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Post by BloodyLittleMinx on Jan 23, 2008 19:11:38 GMT -5
Your welcome and thanks. Yukiko seems to be great. Haven't talked to her that much but if she's willing to come here she's already cool.
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Post by midori on Jan 29, 2008 0:06:09 GMT -5
To EdwardsGirl; Well I'm glad you like Yukiko, I think that she is pretty amazing as well. And I'm glad she decided to join too! Plus, she's a werewolf, so there won't be that whole thing like "my clan's better than yours" and all that whatnot.
My next posting: Well I haven't updated in awhile, but here it is. . . Better late than never. Right?
Hmmm. . . What is new in the life of Midori? Well, I went to school today and had to take an Algebra Quiz. Didn't like it at all, and then we found out that only 2 people from her other class actually passed. Now I'm waiting for the results. I don't think I did very well, and I'm pretty sure I failed, but I did try my hardest, so the score I get really will be my best!
Well, I think that for once that is the only bad news that I have. I mean, I'm feeling pretty "euphoric" right now. . . I was talking to my mom earlier today about moving back to Washington and she finally had this realization that I am old and mature enough to go on my own. I really do love my mom, but I just want to go home so much. She was talking to me about my older brother, and how ever since we left, he hasn't been doing too hot. She realized that "he" needs her so much more than me.
I think by now I should tell you a little about my family history. . . I have 3 siblings, and out of all 4 of us, I'm the only one who doesn't have a chronic disease. My older sister has "blood" problems, my younger sister is a diabetic, and my brother has really bad seizures. . . They all need my mom, but there has never been anything wrong with me. I barely even get sick!
So she has decided that I am more capable of living by myself, than all of my siblings. . . including my older brother. In about a week she has to go back to Washington to settle some things with my Dad, and she is planning on taking me with her, and bringing my brother back in her place.
I'm going home! There are some things I'm gonna miss about California though. . . I did meet some really AWESOME people while I was here "EdwardsGirl" and my few friends at school, but I will still talk to you all as often as I can!
Oh by the way, This isn't a Good Bye, this is just an I'm really happy I got to know you! You made living in California that much easier for me and I hope that we are always friends.
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Post by BloodyLittleMinx on Jan 29, 2008 9:04:43 GMT -5
Friends always. Well I'm glad for you going back to Washington but sorry to hear about your siblings, if it bothers you. If not then good for you. My cousin has some disease to where he can't walk and can barely talk. Oh well, although his name is Jacob. Teehe. Happy Unvalentines Day!!!
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Post by midori on Jan 29, 2008 19:08:46 GMT -5
To EdwardsGirl; Well, I'm not really bummed about my siblings, although that would really suck, I know that they wouldn't want me to feel sorry for them. They might even get mad. I'm really sorry for your cousin. . .I don't know what I'd do if my family members had a hard time walking and talking. . . Oh yeah! What is "Unvalentines Day"? It gotta be a good thing, so Happy Unvalentines Day to you too!
To my next posting: Well, this place has been a haven to me during my stay in California, I just hope that I can keep up with it when I'm back in Washington. . . It's not that I don't want to be here, it's just when I go back, I'm going back to a job, and a ton of extra-curricular activities. I'll still be on at least 4 times a week though, that is a promise I have made to myself, and I don't break promises.
I've been thinking about going back and wanting it so much since I first moved here, the fact that it is actually happening is so "unreal" to me. . . I'm always thinking that my Mom will change her mind within the next week and I'll have to stay. That would be really bad, but I think that somehow I'd be able to handle it. . . It would be like having one of the things that mean the most to you within reach and then having it swiped right from under your grasp. I have to believe she won't do that to me. . . I have to believe that I'm going home.
So if everything goes as planned, this will be my last week at Whitney High School, and I'll be heading back to MP, by Saturday. My mom says that in order for this to work, she'll have to "emancipate" me. That part kind of scares me. . .a little. I don't know how the rest of my family will react, but I'm hoping that they'll be okay with it. I hope that they'll realize that I'm ready to "fly the coupe" and go my own way. I'll always love my Mom, no matter what.
I'll miss her dearly when I go home, but I've decided the way I'd rather live. I've decided that I'd rather live the way I want my life to be. . . In Washington. Then stay here in California and pretend to be happy for her sake. Is that selfish of me? Am I being a bad person, a bad daughter, just bad, by choosing to live my life this way?
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Post by BloodyLittleMinx on Jan 29, 2008 19:20:53 GMT -5
N0 You can't believe that! You are a wonderful person! Plus about the whole Happy Unvalentines Day thing it's just a way I celebrate the day. When there is nothing to celebrate.
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Post by midori on Jan 31, 2008 3:16:12 GMT -5
To EdwardsGirl; Thank you. . . I don't want to believe it, but sometimes I feel like what I'm doing is really hurting my Mom. She's always been there for me and now I really want to leave and be on my own. . .
My Next Posting: I don't know what to write about now. . . I have already told you about going home, I'm still really excited about that! I was in class the other day talking to this girl "Rebekkah" and I told her about leaving and how happy I was and all she said was. . . "Why would you want to go back and be all alone? That sounds like a really 'stupid' idea". How can she not see how much I've wanted to go back since I moved? How can she ask me that, and expect me to agree with her? I don't understand what she was thinking. . . It's not like I hate California or anything, but this state isn't my home. I guess she just doesn't understand. . .
Ummm. . . . Well I've been thinking lately, mainly about school and how fast 'High School' has been for me. I was listening to "Graduation(Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C and it almost had me in tears. I realized that in less than two years that will be me. . . It will be me that has to say good-bye to my friends. I don't know if I'm ready to graduate. . .
A few of my friends have told me that, "We'll always be friends. . . No matter how far we are, we will ALWAYS be friends." mainly talking about when we go off to college, and I'd like to think the way they do, but how many people go to college and are able to keep in touch with and have the same friends they had in High School? I know some Seniors from last year, who don't even talk anymore and they go to college within the same state. My friends plan on studying abroad and all that, so it will be even harder to keep in touch. Maybe I'm just over reacting, or over thinking, or maybe just over everything. . . Maybe I just need some sleep. . . Well that is what I was thinking about and I'm still terribly afraid, but I guess only time will tell.
Does anyone else feel like they're not ready to graduate?
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Post by BloodyLittleMinx on Feb 1, 2008 21:02:48 GMT -5
Well i don't think I'll mind so much. And Rebekkah has no clue what she's talking about. a. of course you want to go back b. you WON'T be alone c. that is a brilliant idea. do what you want to be happy!!! you deserve it.
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Post by midori on Feb 3, 2008 5:05:09 GMT -5
My dear friend EdwardsGirl; Thank you for seeing what I saw when she asked me those questions. . . I didn't understand her at all. . .actually I still don't understand her, but I'll just live with it. I don't say this as often as I should, but I'm really glad that I met you. . . You're one of the people who have kept me "sane" these past couple months. . .
Well I guess I'll start my posting again. . . What did I do today? Well, last night I went to bed at about 2am and woke up around 1, so I'm not anywhere close to being tired. . . I'm actually kind of "wired" which is probably bad, but oh well.
I guess I'm not going back to Washington as soon as I thought. . . My Mom says it's "too soon", and her business with my dad has been postponed. Also, they still have to tell my Aunt that I'm moving back. . . I already have my Mom, and my Uncle on my side about moving home, but those battles were little compared to the one I'm facing now. My Aunt has a tendency of taking everything personally. . . I think that when I tell her, she'll probably disown me, but when I really think about it. . . I don't really care. She's never really liked me, so disappointing her will be easier than my Uncle or my Mom.
Another thing that I found out today is that my Mom has a "Terms of Leaving" contract. It consists of 10, yes "10", things that I have to agree to in order to leave. You know how most parents require 1 or 2 things, yeah that's not my Mom. . . Well anyways her 10 requirements are as follows. . . 1. visit us twice a year . 2. keep up your grades. 3. don't stay up late talking with Nika. 4. visit us with Nika when you want and can. 5. NO BOYFRIENDS. 6. stay healthy. 7. send me your grades in the mail. 8. clean up after yourself. 9. pay attention in class. 10. tell Nika's mom where your going and who with if you ever leave the house.
Of course I think a few of her requirements are quite ridiculous. . . Of course I'll keep my grades up. . . I do have college aspirations. Yes, I'll visit. . . She's still my Mom and I'll keep in touch. . . She won't be locked out of my life. "stay healthy", It's not like I'm gonna try to get sick. . . Plus she made me get the "flu" shot, it's been years since I've had one of those. Yeah, I could talk about the rest of them, but I think you see my point. The "terms" are insanely easy!
But, I won't tell her that, because then the terms might change, I guess I'm still a little "Euphoric" because I will eventually. . . sooner than I thought possible. . . Be HOME in Washington.
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Post by BloodyLittleMinx on Feb 4, 2008 21:34:54 GMT -5
well those are all cool and pretty easy to leave with, but who's nika? well and about keeping you sane, same here. I occupy space in this tiny town right now. It's nickname is SLO wich i find exttremely fitting. My mom has finally seen the light though. She probably noticed that i was getting close to the brink of cracking. So we might move to Chicago, New York someplace big. Couldn't convince her on Washington though. She's not a huge fan of your climate. I'm here as long as you need me.
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Post by midori on Feb 6, 2008 12:01:58 GMT -5
To EdwardsGirl; Well, I guess I never told you, but Nika is one of my dearest friends. . .she's more like a sister to me. She's the one that told me I was crazy, when I was talking to her about being scared about changing too much. . . She lives in Washington, and her mom is my second mom, even though I'd never tell my own mom that. New York would be a pretty cool place to live. . .Big! And how is she not a fan of Washington's weather, but she's willing to go to New York, wher the weather is just as bad? Well, I'm gonna head onto my next posting, but I will talk to you later. . .
My next posting. . . Well, I'm currently at my school, in a class where absolutely nothing happens. . . I'm a T.A. so of course nothing would happen. . .
Today the sophomores are taking there high school exit exams, and well, to be frank, it is really boring. I feel bad for them, because this high school has it's ego so high that they're always telling the sophomores over the intercom that they will make Whitney proud by making their scores #1 in the state. I would hate my school if they did that to me last year. . .
Yesteray in my History class we were talking about how High School is supposed to prepare us for college, and while that is true to a certain extent, this High School is horrible when it comes to letting a student grow as an individual. The teachers, like to hold the student's hand every step of the way, and I'm pretty sure that if they could just take the exit exam for the students. . . They would.
Well onto other news. . . I have been talking to my mom about getting an actual date for when I can leave to go home, and now she is avoiding the subject. . . I have so many reasons for why I should stay, but she isn't seeing things my way. My reasons for wanting to leave sooner, rather than later are. . . 1. The longer I stay here, the further I'm going to be BEHIND when I move home. . . I won't be taking the same classes and I'll already have to make up everything I've missed. Making me stay longer than absolutely necessary, is just going to make things harder. 2. The sooner I leave, the sooner my brother can come up. . . She knows that if she had to choose between taking care of me, or my older brother, she'd choose him. It's not that she doesn't love me, it's just that he needs her more than I do. 3. If I go back soon, I can possibly get my old job back. . . Yes, I did have a job when I lived in Washington, it wasn't the best (coughDairyQueencough), but it still payed me to have fun and play with Ice Cream all day. 4. I can help my friend pass math. . . My friend is dyslexic when it comes to numbers, and while I'm not doing too hot in my math class, she is a class behind me, and I understand everything that she is doing. She needs to pass math this year in order to have enough credits to graduate. 5. Probably the last thing that would be a good reason to leave is that I am not happy here. . . I know she wants me to consider this place my "home" but that is an impossibility for me. This place will never be my true home, and I know she knows this. . .I can never be happy here. There may come a time when I think that maybe this place isn't that bad, but for now the only place where I can truly be happy is home in Washington.
Wow, that was a lot of complaining and ranting, I'm gonna quit now. . . I don't like complaining, but I guess sometimes it's necessary. I have told my mom all of my reasons and all she tells me is that the date is coming soon. . . Well how "soon" is soon? I would like to be in Washington by the beginning of next week , because the following Saturday, my old team has a competition and I'd really like to be there to support them, but I'm not thinking that it's a possibility at the moment. . .
Well I think I'm going to go now, we have about 10 minutes left in class, but I know that if I keep going, I'll probably only complain more. . . Thank you for taking the time to read this, or maybe someone just took a really quick glance. Oh well, I will talk to you guys later, and hopefully the next time I post, it won't be so full of complaints. . .
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Post by BloodyLittleMinx on Feb 6, 2008 21:10:18 GMT -5
Yeah, I don't know some thing about "I don't like cold weather or rain blah blah blah. Whatever. I have never complained that much, but hell! she never gives a d**n about what i think when we move. just herself, oh, i want to go here. We move. No i like over there better. We move again. And people wonder why I have trouble keeping the friends who know I'll just leave them.
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Post by midori on Feb 8, 2008 18:38:45 GMT -5
To EdwardsGirl; I know how you feel. . about the moving and not giving a d**n about how you feel, or think about it. . . Look at where I am now. I'm sorry about the friends thing. . .I'm just beginning to understand how bad that must be. If it makes you feel any better, I'll always be your friend! I'll always be here whenever you need me, just like you are for me.
To my next posting. . . Please don't take this the wrong way, but right now I just need to rant. . . I need to get this out or I just might possibly explode. . . You don't have to comment, or even vaguely understand where I'm coming from, but here it goes. . .
This is a letter I've written to my Dad, explaining to him what he has done. . . I'll never send anything like this anytime soon, but for now this is how I feel. . .
Dear Dad, How are you? I know that was a stupid question, but it's how I start out all of my letters. . .especially first letters. Dad I never thought in my entire life that I would be put into the position that I've been put into now. . . I never thought that anything was wrong. . .
Dad throughout these past couple of months, my life has been almost a living hell. . . Because of you we had to flee from Washington. . . because of you I had to leave my friends, my job, my school, the life I had chosen that I wanted to live. I know that you really don't need to hear this right now, but I have to tell you. . .I have to get this out.
Dad, there have been times when you have disappointed me, but never as much as this. . . I've done so much for you. . .I've been a good daughter right? I mean of course we've had our rough times, but I never thought that my parents would ever split. . .I never thought that I would be a child of a divorce. It really disappoints me that you won't be there for my next birthday, and that you won't be there to see me graduate. You were there for Ned and Elena, but you won't be there for me. . . How do I get over that? Can you please tell me?
Do you remember when you didn't trust me enough to make good choices in my friends? Remember Rosa? Yeah, I believe your exact words were "You can choose either her or me, but you can't have both". . .How do you think that made me feel? She was my Best Friend and I chose you, of course I chose you. . .you're my dad, and now you won't be there for me.
I'm a little mad right now, but I'll get over it in time. . . I hope. I hope that I can one day have you in my life again. I want my children to know their grandfather, seeing as how mine were so rudely taken before their time. . . I would like you to be in my life, but not right now. . . Dad, I'll always love you, but I can't see you. I don't want to see you, and I don't want you to come looking for me. Please do this for me. . .Please just stay away until I'm ready. . . I hope one day I'll see you again, but until then, just know that I'll never forget you. . . Your Daughter
Not nearly everything I'm feeling right now, but it gets what I want to say out pretty well. . . I've been talking to this person and he said that I shouldn't keep things bottled inside and that I should just let everyone know how I'm feeling. . . I'm not so sure if I should. . . I don't like putting my problems on other people, even when the other people are asking for the burden. . . Well, this is a start, right?
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Post by BloodyLittleMinx on Feb 8, 2008 23:25:21 GMT -5
it is a start. when i was in fourth grade i cried for two days straight, made it hard to eat and drink but i managed. my friends saw me cry. when i felt well enough i realized that watching me suffer didn't help any one at all i decided someting. i should not hurt anyone by showing how i really feel. no matter how much it hurts me. they shouldn't have to go through that. now in all this time i haven't cried. years. i can't anymore. beleive me, i've tried. now i can't cry, not even to myself. i am bottled, and i can't open up.
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Post by midori on Feb 10, 2008 21:22:11 GMT -5
To EdwardsGirl; I'm really sorry for everything that you've had to go through. . . I know exactly what that feels like. . . thinking that you shouldn't let people see you cry because it doesn't solve anything, or that people won't see you the same. . . I'm really sorry that you had to go through that.
My next posting; I'd like to start this post off with some good news that I got from my mom this morning. . . I will be going back to Washington on February 19th. . . That is next Tuesday. . . While I'm really excited to be going home. . . I don't know if that is really what I should be doing. . .
Have you ever felt like you lost yourself somehow, and you don't know how to get the person you used to be back? I'm starting to feel like that. . . Over the past couple months, my life has changed so much and I just have a feeling that I won't ever be the same as I used to be. I have a feeling that what used to interest me, won't anymore. That what was once important, will be a distant memory.
A few years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted, I knew exactly where I wanted to go in life, but as I entered high school, my vision became blurry. . . I no longer know what I want, I don't know what I want to do with my life. . . I just have no idea who I am anymore. . .
Please don't tell me that I'm "me" and that is all that matters, or that "High School is a scary time, and if you just let things play out, you'll find yourself pretty happy". I've heard these so many times, and every time someone tells me it I just want to tell them that they have no idea what they are talking about. . .That they don't really know how my life is going to be after high school so don't tell me that they know I'll be okay. . .
I want to believe that eventually I'll be fine, but I'm having my doubts. . . So far, I've pushed and pushed and I've gotten what I wanted, but how can I be sure that I am making the right decision? How can I be sure that me going back to Washington, is what is best for both me and the people around me. . . Yes it is exactly what I want, and I won't be changing my mind when I get there, but I don't know if I made the "right" decision. . .
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Post by BloodyLittleMinx on Feb 13, 2008 18:21:38 GMT -5
i know exactly how you feel. i basically get a personality change every time i move. at least i hang on to originality in a town of conformists. i swear if i hear someone ask me when the last time i went to abercrombe or some s**t like that i'm gonna scream. they don't even have my favorite store here. Hot Topic.
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